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Areas of Importance in Making a Marriage a Continual Success
Biblical family and government (Genesis 2:24, 3:16-17, 1 Corinthians 7:2-39, Ephesians 5:23-33, 1 Peter 3:7).
--Head of Christ is God (1 Corinthians 11:3).
--Head of every man is Christ (1 Corinthians 11:3).
--Head of every woman is her husband (1 Corinthians 11:3; 1T 547, 3T 556).
--Head of every child is their father and mother (Exodus 20:12; Leviticus 19:3; Colossians 3:20).
--Christ must the center of the marriage. If not, then marriage will be in danger of failing or proving a curse.
Personal interests vs family interests
--Since a family unit has been created by the marriage, then our interests need to change from ourselves to our family.
Both need to learn to communicate with each other and not keep feelings secret (AH 177, 3T 244, 2T 299, 418).
Do not reveal family problems to others, but only to spouse (2T 306, 297, 301-02, Ev 460-61).
--A mistake is made when either the wife or husband does this (2T 89, 301, AH 177).
Need to develop empathy skills for one other
--Each can be molded towards good by the positive temperament of other spouse (3T 533).
--Husband is especially to do all possible to keep wife's spirits cheerful (5T 181).
Learn to let unimportant matters slide off your backs. Also do not get too excited with regard to unasked for counsel being given you from concerned persons
--If counsel is good, and has merit, then follow it. But if not, then do not allow feelings of affection or friendship to coerce you into following their counsel out of fear of offending them.
Do not allow frustration or anxiety to develop into uncontrolled anger
--If you can control your anger, then you are greater than a mighty general who could successfully conquer a city (Proverbs 16:32, 15:18).
Any bad experiences, or wrong actions of any spouse, occurring before or after marriage, should not be allowed to continue to be brought up to haunt marriage
--If each has forgiven the other, then let the past remain in the past.
--When born again or converted, the old man is dead with the old ways and sins, and the new man in Christ is alive and all things are become new (Romans 6:6, 2 Corinthians 5:17, Ephesians 4:22, Colossians 3:9, 2 Peter 1:9).
Each spouse may need some time to be alone by themselves. So the other spouse should make sure to unselfishly realize this need, and avoid the temptation to complain or to cast guilt trips by saying “don’t you love me anymore?”
Learn to economize
--Write down all needs, and wants, and then to go over each in light of eternal interests. Then see which are priorities, and which are just desires. Then utilize your money or time for the priorities first, and what is left over for the desires.
If one spouse handles all the money, then the other needs to be given a weekly or monthly allowance in which to spend in any way they please (AH 378).
--The spouse/accountant should not refuse to give this allowance money to the other (AH 378).
Duties of husband, which wife cannot perform (MH 390-92).
--Represents God to the family (children will look to the character of their father as the character of God (SD 252, AH 117).
--Love for wife secondary to love of God (7T 46).
--Priest of family (take children's sins before God for forgiveness as did priest (SR 50, 1T 547, 2T 626, 701, AH 218).
--Needs to maintain interest in spiritual things (5T 425).
--House-band and head of household (sometimes need to be stiff and stern--2T 298) (AH 119, 215, 225-26, 228, 4T 127-29, FE 158, 2SM 420-21, AH 224-225, 2T 253).
--Needs to love and respect wife as equal partner in marriage covenant (not to be a ruler over her, but her helper--7T 48) (3T 453, 2T 304, 414-19, 4T 130, 2T 417).
--Sometimes after a day of work, he needs to relieve the wife of burdens and duties and take over watching the children in order to give wife some time for her own needs (AH 218, 2T 699).
--Needs to respect wife's wishes in following biblical teachings of raising or training children.
--Husband is the lawmaker in the family (1T 547).
--Husband needs to be man of decided and firm principles (AH 345).
--Husband needs to be man of pure mind, minister, physician, nurse, (even involved in affairs of kitchen--4T 127-29), and teacher in the home (AH 345, 184).
--Needs to encourage independent effort on part of family members (4T 128).
--Give kind words, have a tender regard, and do courteous acts at home (SD 252, 1T 695, 2T 461).
--Needs to come home from work with cheerful countenance (1T 695).
--Needs to spend time with family (2T 224).
--If have children, then husband is not to allow wife to be alone with the kids a lot (2T 416, 4T 482).
--Husband to help in training kids (MH 390, AH 211).
--Do all possible to save wife care (5T 181).
Duties of wife (which husband cannot perform)
--Love for husband secondary to love for God (7T 46, AH 116, 5T 362, 2T 100, AH 110).
--Should encourage husband in right, speaking words of commendation to (1T 307, 4T 65).
--Soften and improve husbands character (AH 99).
--Make happy and cheerful home for husband (2T 463-65, 568).
--Needs to recognize husbands love and appreciate it (AH 109-110).
--Most of the child raising upon her shoulders.
--Is to respect and reverence husband so children will learn to also (AH 103, 118 (Gen 18:12 Abraham called lord by Sarah his wife (lord here translates to rule, sovereign, controller, owner.) 2T 495, 2T 430, 2T 476, AH 349).
One Spouse is not to always be giving in when disagreements arise (2T 418).
--May be dishonoring God by being too passive (2T 476)
--There is a need to come out of ones retired reserve (2T 415).
--One has as much right to their opinion as does the other (2T 418).
--Principles of truth are not to be sacrificed to please spouse (2T 227).
--Avoid interrupting spouse until they are finished talking (2T 418).
--Sometimes compromise is important.
Especially should not the wife be always giving in when disagreements arise
--Wife is taken from Adam’s rib, so she is on level equal ground with regard to counsel and decisions (4T 36-37, WM 160).
--Husband is to regard his wife as part of himself (2T 417).
--Husband needs to consult wife's opinion and approval regarding all his plans (1T 709, 2T 676-77, 3T 244, 4T 128, 2T 417).
--Wife's judgement must not be broken down by husband, but be respected (4T 127, 1T 709, 2T 417, 676-677, 4T 255).
Things husband should continually be aware of and watch out for
--Husband is to check any impatient words which he is about to utter, and encourage cheerful and happy disposition in himself (1T 306, 4T 255).
--Not infallible, so needs to apologize when wrong--even to the little ones (AH 215, 346).
--Selfishness prevents husband from showing his love to wife, or does not try to make himself lovable (3T 527, AH 228).
--Needs to be unfailing and continuously affectionate, careful, attentive, compassionate, sympathetic, courteous, faithful, strong helper, appreciate difficulties, tender, tenderhearted, pitiful, counselor, adviser, protector, forgiving towards wife (2T 299, AH 228, 125, 7T 48, MH 361, 2T 676-77, AH 99, 2T 256-59, 4T 36-37, 1T 307-08).
--Husband should encourage confidence in wife (2T 414-15).
--Not to be cold and stiff, but should express love to wife in words and deeds (2T 416, 3T 530-31).
--Not to try to rule actions of or compel wife to yield to his wishes (4T 127, MH 361, 7T 48).
--Husband needs to help preserve wife's dignity and self-respect (2T 305).
--Husband needs to let wife know that he appreciates her work, and to try and lighten her burdens (AH 114, 2T 699), because the wife needs praise for the love and devotion she gives to her family (4T 255).
--Husband’s will and decisions are to be the final word in non-religious matters, and God holds the husband responsible for all family problems which may result because of wrong decisions, and husband is not accountable to wife in this, but to God (2T 59 MB 64, PP 58-59, AH 115, 3T 484, 1T 307).
--Needs to feel lost without wife's society (2T 417).
--Not to misinterpret work and motives of wives (AH 214-15).
--Wife needs his company of tenderness and love (2T 260-61).
--Husband needs to unselfishly love the company of the wife, and to make her comfortable and happy in his society (AH 103, 114, 2T 416, 4T 130).
--Husband needs to learn how to draw wife into close sympathy with him and have and hold her love and affection (4T 130, 2T 415-17).
--Husband should encourage wife's confidence and familiarity in him (2T 298, 305).
--Not to censure or talk disrespectful of wife or argue with her in front of the children (3T 305, AH 125, 4T 129, AH 177, 2T 86).
Things wife should continually be aware of and watch out for
--Wife needs to be able to lean wholly on husband, and take time out to be his companion (AH 231, 110, FE 159).
--Wife should be able to lean and trust upon large affections of husband (AH 216, 1T 307, 2T 299).
--Wife needs to learn how to bind husband and family to her heart (WM 154-55, CG 67-68).
--Is to be in subjection to husband (3T 484) and is to let her decisions and will go in favor of husband’s decisions and will if unresolvable discrepancy occurs in non-religious matters. Husband is then held responsible for all happenings before God (1T 307, 309, PP 58-59, 3T 484, AH 117).
"We women must remember that God has placed us subject to the husband. He is the head and our judgment and views and reasonings must agree with his if possible. If not, the preference in God's word is given to the husband where it is not a matter of conscience. We must yield to the head. I have said more perhaps upon this point than necessary. Please watch this point....Never talk to...[him] as though he were a little boy. You reverence him and others will take an elevated position...and you will elevate others." Letter 5, June 6, 1861 (6MR 126)
--Wife's position is more sacred and elevated than that of a king on a throne (3T 566).
--Can remove some difficulties that husbands cannot (Ev 491).
--Not a slave to family (5T 180).
--Happiness of family depends much on (1T 306).
--Is not to speak against husband (even in joke--AH 177) in front of children (4T 103, 500).
Goal for education of any children (Ed 13-19, Colossians 2:3, Proverbs 2:6).
"Our ideas of education take too narrow and too low a range....True education means more than the perusal of a certain course of study. It means more than a preparation for the life that now is....The world has had its great teachers...but there is One who stands higher than they....
"In these days much is said concerning the nature and importance of 'higher education.' The true 'higher education' is that imparted by Him with whom 'is wisdom and strength' (Job 12:13), out of whose mouth 'cometh knowledge and understanding.' Proverbs 2:6.
"In a knowledge of God all true knowledge and real development have their source." Ed 13-14.
#1 purpose to remember: either we are educating and training them for God or for the world.
God will help and bless efforts IF both are walking in all the light they know
--Before we can expect God to bless our endeavors, we must be obedient to all His known commands and will. There are conditions which we must fulfill before we can expect God to bless us.
Both will have their relatives and friends watching the results of their marriage. If persistent and consistent in denying self and following God’s counsel, then their marriage will prove a mighty witness for God
“That family, properly conducted, is a favorable argument to the truth, and the head of such a family will carry out the very same kind of work in the church as is revealed in the family. Wherever severity, harshness, and want of affection and love are exhibited in the sacred circle of the home, there will most assuredly be a failure in the plans and management in the church. Unity in the home, unity in the church, reveals Christ's manner and grace more than sermons and arguments.” Evangelism, p 342.
“God would have our families symbols of the family in heaven. Let parents and children bear this in mind every day, relating themselves to one another as members of the family of God. Then their lives will be of such a character as to give to the world an object lesson of what families who love God and keep His commandments may be. Christ will be glorified...” The Adventist Home, p 17.
“...(We are) known and read of all men.” 2 Corinthians 3:2.