"LET THERE BE LIGHT" Ministries
TO LOVE THE LORD THY GOD - Spiritually, Part 14 quotes
1) The Emotion of Love - in its Sexual Form - Dealing With Problems in Marriages
Problem #5 - Meddling Relatives in the Marriage
What about cases where the parents or siblings or grandparents of the husband or wife are meddling in their marital or family affairs?
“Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.” Genesis 2:24.
It is God’s will that when a man and a woman unite together in holy wedlock and become of one flesh, they are then to leave the homes of their parents. This means that they are not to move in with their parents and live there, but are to live elsewhere.
“And Caleb said, He that smiteth Kirjathsepher, and taketh it, to him will I give Achsah my daughter to wife. And Othniel the son of Kenaz, the brother of Caleb, took it: and he gave him Achsah his daughter to wife. And it came to pass, as she came unto him, that she moved him to ask of her father a field: and she lighted off her ass; and Caleb said unto her, What wouldest thou? Who answered, Give me a blessing; for thou hast given me a south land; give me also springs of water. And he gave her the upper springs, and the nether springs.” Joshua 15:16-19.
After Othniel and Achsah were married, they obtained land of their own to live on and begin their family life together without them living with their parents. Even though the land they were living on was Caleb’s property, yet they were not living in Caleb’s house.
2) Why is it God’s will for the newly married couple to leave the homes of their parents and live separate from them?
Their marriage and union together in one flesh has now made them a family unit all of their own. This new family unit is distinct and separate from all other family units – including the family units they were born into, grew up and once lived in. This means that each family unit is to retain their distinctness by living separate from all other family units, including their parent’s.
The husband and wife have now become their own distinct family unit. They are now in charge and control over all issues pertaining to their own family. This also means that any and all family matters and issues occurring within their own family unit are to remain within the circle or confines of their own family unit, and are not to be shared with members of other family units – including their parents.
3) All family issues or problems within your own family unit are not to be shared or disclosed with any one else – including parents.
“For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and cleave to his wife; And they twain shall be one flesh: so then they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.” Mark 10:7-9.
The Greek word for “asunder” is “chorizo”, which translates and means, “to place room between, to part, to go away” (Strong’s, word #5563). Since God has joined this husband and wife together as one flesh in their sacred marriage and holy wedlock, then God forbids any other person from doing anything that would cause space to occur between the husband and wife and lead them to part or go away or separate from each other.
4) What should the married couple do when one or more of their relatives are seeking to control things in their marriage? You are to politely thank them for their counsel, and then let them know that after both you and your spouse have had time to consider their counsel, then you will either choose to follow or disregard it according to what you both believe is best for your marriage and family unit. But if this gentle approach does not curb your relatives trying to control your marriage, then you may be forced to politely tell them that they are no longer welcome to call you or visit you until they can honor your wishes and respect the sanctity of your marriage.
5) If the soon to be husband and wife do not have enough money to move out and live by themselves, then they should not get married until they are financially able to do so. It was customary that before a man could marry a woman he had to first provide a suitable dowry to the parents of the daughter (Genesis 29:18, 34:12; Exodus 22:17). After the marriage, the parents usually would give this dowry amount to their daughter in order to help her marriage become more financially stable. This custom was a safeguard which prevented the couple from getting married too quickly, and also prevented lazy and deadbeat men from being able to marry and father children, which would only cause all kinds of unnecessary problems and misery.
6) Does this mean that married children no longer have to keep the 5th commandment to honor and obey their parents? No.
“But he answered and said unto them (Jewish Church leaders), Why do ye also transgress the commandment of God by your tradition? For God commanded, saying, Honour thy father and mother: and, He that curseth father or mother, let him die the death. But ye say, Whosoever shall say to his father or his mother, It [all my property and money] is a gift [to the church], by whatsoever thou [the church leaders] mightest be profited by me; And honour not his father or his mother [by taking care of them], he shall be free. Thus have ye made the commandment of God of none effect by your tradition.” Matthew 15:3-6.
The 5th commandment is still very much in force even after the children have married and have families of their own. If married children do not honor and obey their parents, then you have broken God’s commandment, have committed sin, and unless repented of will keep you out of heaven.
“...(Those who are) disobedient to parents...Who knowing the judgment of God, that they which commit such things are worthy of death, not only do the same, but have pleasure in them that do them.” Romans 1:30, 32.
7) The Emotion of Love Dealing With Those Who Have Been Married More Than Once
What about those among us that have suffered through failed marriages, have been divorced and then have been remarried perhaps more than once, and then have realized that you did not have a Biblical right to remarry at all?
“And he (John the Baptist) came into all the country about Jordan, preaching the baptism of repentance for the remission of sins...Then said he to the multitude that came forth to be baptized of him, O generation of vipers, who hath warned you to flee from the wrath to come? Bring forth therefore fruits worthy of repentance, And now also the ax is laid unto the root of the trees: every tree therefore which bringeth not forth good fruit is hewn down, and cast into the fire....Then came also publicans to be baptized, and said unto him, Master, what shall we do? And he said unto them, Exact no more than that which is appointed you. And the soldiers likewise demanded of him, saying, And what shall we do? And he said unto them, Do violence to no man, neither accuse any falsely; and be content with your wages.” Luke 3:3, 7-9, 12-14.
These verses reveal several principles that can apply in this particular situation. First, you should fully and sincerely repent for this sin. This confession and repentance is to be made to your current spouse whom you had no Biblical right to marry, and to your previous spouse whom you have committed adultery against by remarrying (Matthew 19:9; Mark 10:11-12), and then to God since it was His law which you broke. Next, you should bring forth fruits to the glory of God in harmony with your repentance, by determining with God’s divine strength and grace that you will keep all of God’s commandments from that point on.
8) After repenting, what should be done about your current non-Biblically justifiable marriage? When the tax collectors and the Roman soldiers asked John what shall they do after repentance, he mentioned nothing about changing the position they were in before they truly repented. John did not tell the tax collectors that they needed to quit their job in order to show forth fruits worthy of their repentance. And neither did John tell the Roman soldiers that they needed to leave the army. He simply told both that from that point on they were to keep God’s law in all areas of their life, and especially in their dealings with others.
“...as the Lord hath called every one, so let him walk. And so ordain I in all churches. Is any man called being circumcised? let him not become uncircumcised. Is any called in uncircumcision? let him not be circumcised....Let every man abide in the same calling wherein he was called....Brethren, let every man, wherein he is called, therein abide with God.” 1 Corinthians 7:17-18, 20, 24.
These verses reveal that after you have sincerely repented for your sin of remarriage, you would not need to then dissolve your current marriage even though it was originally unbiblical. But from that point on you would need to determine to be a true obedient follower of God in all areas. Even though your remarriage originally took place without God’s approval, yet you have indeed become of one flesh with your new spouse and are indeed vowed and committed to them for life. So after your confession you must believe that God has accepted your sincere repentance, and has truly forgiven your sin, and thus there is no need to break up your current marriage.
“(The prophet Nathan said to king David) Wherefore hast thou despised the commandment of the LORD, to do evil in his sight? thou hast killed Uriah the Hittite with the sword, and hast taken his wife to be thy wife...And David said unto Nathan, I have sinned against the LORD. And Nathan said unto David, The LORD also hath put away thy sin; thou shalt not die. Howbeit, because by this deed...the child also that is born unto thee shall surely die....And David comforted Bathsheba his wife, and went in unto her, and lay with her: and she bare a son, and he called his name Solomon: and the LORD loved him.” 2 Samuel 12:9, 13-14, 24.
David had no Biblical right to take and marry Bathsheba, but he did so anyway. David then clearly understood that what he had done was sin, and then truly and sincerely repented as Psalms chapter 51 shows, and then God truly and fully forgave him. After repentance, God did not tell David or Bathsheba that they must dissolve their original unbiblically justifiable marriage, but God instead showed them that He had now accepted their marriage by blessing them with their son Solomon whom God loved.
This shows us that when we sincerely repent and God then forgives us, His forgiveness is complete – meaning that our past sin is fully removed and is made as if we had never sinned in the first place. God could bless David and Bathsheba’s marriage together after repentance, whereas before repentance He could not. This means that God accepts us in the position we are in when we sincerely come to Him through Jesus Christ and fully repent of our sins, and that He does not ask us to change our position, but from that point on we are to go and sin no more!
“Behold, thou art made whole: sin no more, lest a worse thing come unto thee.” John 5:14.
“And Jesus said unto her, Neither do I condemn thee: go, and sin no more.” John 8:11.